Lovewrecked

I know this blog is a little late, but for those of you who did nothing on Sunday night (like me) and felt pathetic because you were doing nothing (like me), you supressed your pathetic feelings (like me) and watched ABC Family's new cinematic masterpiece, Lovewrecked. God do I love ABC Family! This particular treat featured up-and-coming Amanda Bynes, star of What a Girl Wants and She's the Man (I also warmly remember her as part of the cast of All That way back when on Nickelodeon).

Bynes plays Jenny Riley, a gal who has just graduated high school and is waaaay too into herself for her own good. For the summer, she's working at a tropical resort with her best friend Ryan [no last name]. Ryan is none other than hottie Jonathan Bennet, AKA Aaron Samuels from Mean Girls. Mmmm...he was the reason I kept watching this movie. He's delicious. And unfortunately, he was forced to pretend he was head over heels with BF Jenny, but was too much of a pansy to actually do anything about it until the last five minutes. How am I supposed to believe that such a gorgeous specimin of the male gender would have confidence issues?

Anyway, Jenny is totes def obsessed with Jason Masters, a famous rock GOD who is played by a very uninspiring Chris Carmack (no idea what he's been in before). Jenny and Jason (I love the alliteration here) end up on some cruise together in the middle of a storm. Jason has eaten some bad soup (haven't we all...) and tragically falls overboard as he's ralphing into the sea. As her crush is swept further and further away from the boat, Jenny slips into lifeguard mode. She hurls an inflatible raft into the water and dives in after her man. I probably would not have done this...unless it was for Justin Timberlake...

The storm eventually ends and Jenny and Jason find themselves on what they believe to be a deserted island. As the description on the ABC Family website explains, "It's like a dream come true...until some unexpected complications rock the boat." UH OH! Turns out that they aren't on a deserted island at all! Jenny discovers this and surreptitiously sneaks back to the resort to get bananas, oysters, and fish (which she smuggles into the ocean in her bathing suit, then puts on a show for Jason to make him think she's caught them with her bare hands...I guess one reason that it's good that Amanda Bynes has no boobs).

But alas, someone figures out Jenny's secret: the bitchy popular girl working at the resort, who is equally as obsessed with Jason Masters. Alexis is played by Jamie-Lynn DiScala, more commonly known as Tony Soprano's daughter Meadow. She pretends to be stranded on the island too in order to woo Jason, though she switches between French and Hawaiian accents throughout the rest of the movie. This is either a testament to her amazing acting ability, or the stupidity of the editors for not noticing these blatent flaws.

Okay, I have a confession to make. This was the point in the movie when I realized that Cold Mountain was on another channel, and Jude Law won. Sure, I kept switching back to Lovewrecked during the commercials, and I feel like I got the best of both worlds this way. On the island, the love triangle managed to live for a while longer, then Ryan somehow figured out that Jenny was nearby and saved her during a huge monsoon. They fled to a cave, lit a fire, he demonstrated that he actually has some confidence and she accepted the fact that she's a stuck-up snot, and they kissed (no tongue). The movie ended with Jason singing to his new wife, Alexis, on stage at some super hot rock concert. The rest is ABC Family history. I recommend Lovewrecked if you're looking for good laugh, a drinking game, or if you're babysitting.

Jude Law's gorgeousness continued for another hour or so, since there were so many dang commercials, but MAN he is so hot. Even with his Civil War-style beard that by the end of the movie I'm sure must have had bugs living in it. Mmmmm. As always, I cried at the end when he died.