Year of the Breakup

It seems that 2006 was the year of the breakup. (Actually, 2007 hasn't been going all that well either...). In this post, I shall comment on some of the past year's broken relationships--the good, bad, and the ugly.


THE GOOD (as in, thank GOD they broke up!)

-Jude Law and Sienna Miller. As much as I would looooove to be Jude's arm candy, I find cheating inexcusible (especially with the nanny...so cliche!).
-Brit and KFed. No real explanation needed here. Do I think she would have stayed with him so long if she hadn't gotten knocked up twice in two years? Hmmm...hard to tell. At least he made sure she was wearing underpants when she left home.
-Ryan Philippe and Reese Witherspoon. I'll admit it--I find him ridiculously hot, but can't help getting uncomfortable when I watch that scene from Cruel Intentions. It's like I'm spying on them. R&R were an adorable couple of seven (!) years. Buuut again with the cheating! Ryan, you are not THAT cool. Reese is the one raking in all the dough, and you just have some horrendous movies and a couple of cute kids to show for it. I am excited to see who Reese goes after next...
-Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. Though we all learned that crack is whack, good riddance. 'Nuff said.
-Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen. Any man that has admitted to sleeping around with Hollywood madame Heidi Fleiss's army of ladies is not worth my time. Denise, you coulda done better. Congrats for finally realizing this.


THE BAD (whyyyyyyyyyyy??)

-Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson (of the Black Crowes). Let me start off by saying that I am a BIG Kate Hudson fan. As in, if I got to take on the looks and personality of one Hollywood star, she would be it. I have kind of a fem-crush on her. Perhaps she and Chris married a bit early...she was only 21, after all. But the fact that their marriage lasted six whole years is sort of like an eternity out there, so kudos to them for making it work for so long.
-Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson. What seemed like a match made in movie heaven has just recently ended, and rumors are still splashed along the supermarket isles. Kate, pull yourself together!!! You'll be okay!
-Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock. Okay, before you berate me for this one, they were actually sort of a cute couple in a white trash sense. Plus, the word on the street is that they got along really well with each others' children. I don't like it when kids suffer because a four month marriage went sour.
-Penelope Cruz and Matthew McConaughey. Amazingly, they were together for over a year (was it really that long? hmm), but the two gorgeous individuals were never able to see each other because of hectic work schedules. Or, it could have been because Matt-dog had a tendancy to toke the reefer on a regular basis. He looked a little heavy in We Are Marshall...the result of depression from the breakup, or havin' the munchies a little too often?
-Paul McCartney and Heather Mills. Though she has acted poorly since the separation announcement, I think they were a cute couple. I mean, unless she really was trying to steal all of his money and ruin the Beatles legacy, in which case she can forget about all of my sympathy.
-Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn (who I lovingly nicknamed Vinciffer). Of course, we cannot forget this duo. Vinciffer's problem was that they hooked up on the set of a movie entitled The Break Up. This is not a good beginning people, are you serious?? Why not make a movie about true love that lasts forever? At least then you're starting off on the right foot, instead of eerily playing out fights that could have foreshadowed actual fights that occurred a year later.

THE UGLY (who gives a crap about these people?)

-Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson (stars of the OC). This one, I sort of do care about, so it's at the top of the list. Basically, I think he's smashingly attractive and I'd do him in a second. He has that alternative I-want-you-to-think-that-I-threw-on-this-retro-outfit-but-it-was-super-expensive look. And he loves dogs. Does it get any better? Adam, when you get a chance, call me.
-Hilary Duff and Joel Madden (of Good Charlotte). Hilary, does this mean you will be able to eat again? Plus, he's eight years older than you. Which makes him, like, 23.
-Kate Bosworth and Orlando Bloom. Only in this category because they have broken up and gotten back together like a billion times over the past couple of years. So how am I supposed to care anymore? Kate, honey, go eat a burger.
-Nicole Richie and Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein. I seriously could not care less about this (ex) couple. But I do think that Nicole should call up Kate and go eat a burger as well. Or 200. And bring Hilary Duff along.
-Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe. Perhaps the first sign that something was amiss should have been when she forgot to thank him in her acceptance speech when winning her first Oscar. Freudian slip? I think so.
-Ashlee Simpson and Braxton Olita. I don't even know who Braxton is, except that his name stinks of wannabe-pretentiousness.
-Brittany Murphy and Joe Macaluso. Apparently he is a lighting guy on movie sets. Isn't this poor Brittany's second failed engagement? Perhaps she is clueless (har har).
-Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler (former Miss USA, also a seeming ho-bag). I don't really need to explain why I don't care about this, do I?
-Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro. Another reality-tv marriage gone down the tube. At least she has those Taco Bell commercials to keep her busy.
-Ryan Reynolds and Alanis Morrisette. I added this to the list just because I liked him in Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place waaaay back when it was on TGIF.
-Eminem and Kim (again). Don't care. At. All.


There are many other Hollywood couples that split up in 2006, but they make up that fourth category--the one that I don't even want to waste the energy to type out. There are also those who have gone out with hundreds (a rough estimate) of guys in both LA, NYC, and Greece and then dropped 'em like they're hot (Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, I am talking 'bout you). As my mom always said, no one will want to buy the cow when they can get the milk for free.

But for real, don't let all of this breaking up get you down. It is only the 12th day of the new year, and ANYTHING is possible! I know that I have high aspirations for myself (cough Adam Brody cough), and these fine ladies and gents listed above should too. After all, it's Hollywood.